I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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