How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
