Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
