Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
