I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize