I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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