the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
not ubering you a puppy
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
