Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We need a shit load of segways right now
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
