What did we do last night that was yellow?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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