I'm really into asian looking animals
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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