two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
