I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
