tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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