The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
