a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
