Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
