his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
