were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
