eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
