my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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