So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
