When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
