the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
