i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Randomize
