I want you more than these girls want KFC
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize