We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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