I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
