She is in my trunk
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
