I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
