I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize