I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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