Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
