I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
