Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
