I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize