i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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