Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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