Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
