Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
