At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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