ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
