Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize