problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
