ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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