I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
