My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
