Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize