i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
