Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
