I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
