I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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