This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize