either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
