Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
