her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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