I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i came on her dog
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
