DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
