I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
