I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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