don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
