Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
