No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
