apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
