Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
