u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
