AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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