how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
