My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
