i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
