So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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