So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
