Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
